I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
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