Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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