i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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