I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize