I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
