We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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