My nipple is on Facebook.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
