No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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