We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
