Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
