Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
