please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
