i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
