tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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