You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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