Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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