I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize