the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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