If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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