so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
