Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
