I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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