I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
