So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize