i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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