oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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