respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
