I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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