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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
