I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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