the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
