The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
