she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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