you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
