look no pants
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
