dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
