Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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