I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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