her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
