Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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