never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Vodka?
Forever.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize