you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
