omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
