What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
