I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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