party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize