Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
