Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
