i already hear my dad disowning me
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize
