I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
