If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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