either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize