If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
