she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
its liver damage thursday
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
