Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
