The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You're a waste of cheezeits
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
