hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She's the barista slut.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
