All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
