Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
