hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
