I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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