he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
