Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
