Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
