She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
where are my eyebrows?
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