i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
