remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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