I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
