My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize