Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
