is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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