Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
