I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I have so many feelings about this burrito
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
