I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
