I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You should frame my arrest warrant.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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