By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
