There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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